When Did Mental Health Become Sexist?
I’ll be honest – it took me quite some time to write this article, because I feel like mental health is a very intimate and personal conversation. I began to feel like maybe it would be too intrusive and I would be making too many over-generalizations and assumptions (which, I’ll admit, I do for the purposes of getting my point across. Also, I apologize for the excessive use of quotes around words). However, I wanted to write this because I feel so strongly in my heart that men deserve the same care and respect as females, and shame, guilt, silence – these are words that should never be linked with mental health, regardless of sex.
I decided to go ahead with it anyway, because I am grateful. Grateful that I have found my voice, and am able to share it with those who will listen. Grateful, because I know that not everyone is so lucky.
I don’t know where this happened, but somewhere along the line, health was polarized. We began as babies that cried as our main form of communication, and then went on to throw tantrums when we were angry as toddlers and children, or cried when we lost our favourite toy because it was something dear to our hearts. This happened regardless of gender. And then, we grew up. Now, I say “grew up” in a very loose term, because my definition of being a grown up includes emotional maturity, which is a department that men (as a mass generalization) are lacking in. And quite frankly, I don’t necessarily blame them, because women have had more practice dealing with emotions.
Women are considered more emotional beings, therefore making it more “okay” for them to experience depression, anxiety, etc, and men are supposed to be “manly”, and for some reason this equates to being prone to mental health issues. This has boggled my mind from when I first began to understand what mental health really meant. Why is it that men and women, who are all subject to stress about money, family, career, life aspirations, internal and external expectations, who can experience love and death, and who have all the biological “wiring” (a brain, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc) that can contribute to many mental health concerns are only “allowed” to act a certain way or feel certain things?
Depression in men also manifests differently. They are less likely to recognize symptoms and to seek treatment, and more likely to commit suicide if left untreated [1]. By rejecting the possibility that these things happen in the male population too and that it’s important to talk about, we further perpetuate this cycle of compensation, unhealthy coping mechanisms, poor communication and relationships, and unfulfilled potential. Not allowing ourselves to deal with and recognize emotion greatly decreases our capacity for emotional maturity and deeper connection.
Children have no emotional filter. If they are happy, sad, angry, etc, you will know. It is only as we grow older that we build this persona to fit around societal norms where I see this suppression happening. And I do see this in practice all the time. My male patients are so much more resistant to discuss stress, emotions, and relationships than their female counterparts. I remember thinking to myself, “when did mental health become sexist?”
Maybe it’s time we change our definition of what being a “man” really means. You know what’s difficult? Having the courage to face your inner demons and admit that you need some help. Being able to cry and let yourself experience emotion, instead of suppressing it to conform to ridiculous gender roles. It is a lot harder to let yourself feel pain instead of ignoring it. Being strong has nothing to do with the amount of weight you can bench press and everything to do with how you navigate adversity and emotional turmoil. Sometimes the strongest thing to do is to be vulnerable.
I like to compare this to facing your fears. It seems to me that fear is a big part of what drives our society to do the things they do, and act the way they do. Being afraid to look “stupid” or lose respect, of not meeting expectations, of not looking “manly”. Conquering fears seems like a pretty “manly” thing to do, doesn’t it? Think of being in tune with your mental health as a challenge to get over one (or many) of your fears, or just as an extremely big step forward in being the best version of yourself you can be (aka a common motivator for facing a fear).
Unfortunately, we still live in a society where it’s alright to take days off work if you break a bone, but less acceptable so if your anxiety makes it hard for you to get out of bed. The good news is that I can see things slowly shifting. I remember reading an article not too long ago about an employee who emailed her boss saying she wasn’t coming into work because she needed a mental health day, and her boss wholeheartedly supported that. The way we continue to shift is by having these conversations, decreasing the stigma around mental health (especially in the male population), and by remembering that health does not discriminate – between gender, sexual identity, race, political agenda, whether you like pineapple on your pizza or not, etc. We are all biological beings with complex dimensions of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health constantly in flux. When we accept this, we help break down barriers for males to seek help, to live healthier lives, and form deeper connections with themselves and others.
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